i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
