well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize