dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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