I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
