she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize