I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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