I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
