I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
