She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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