I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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