he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
