I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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