Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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