thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
