I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
