I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
