I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
