3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
