Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
