you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
