its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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