I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
