Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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