you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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