im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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