I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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