Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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