im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
