moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
