sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
