I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
