Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
