got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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