giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
