It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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