Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
