I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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