i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
