i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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