My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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