If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
