Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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