we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I smell like Dick and happiness
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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