Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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