Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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