After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
