It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
