Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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