Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
