so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Randomize
