Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
