please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize