piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize