we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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