The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i dont even know how to be here
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
