Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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