the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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