Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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