Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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