I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
