saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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