I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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