I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
