my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
