Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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