she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
